Monday, 1st of April 2019 at 22:47
Until You & I Are Ready…
It is hard and awkward to express it in person. I literally have no words to describe what I am feeling right now. Deep inside me, as I am checking into my heart, I am convinced that it is you. However, I am reminded by the One who created me to, “Not awaken love until it so desires,” Song of Songs 4:8. Or in other version, in The Passion Translation it is translated as;
“Promise me, brides-to-be,
by the gentle gazelles and delicate deer,
that you’ll not disturb my love until he is ready to arise.”
Song of Solomon 8:4 TPT
So I will wait for you as you wait for the LORD’s indication; green light. I will wait for your awakening; I will wait for you to arise. Between man and woman, God first created Adam, and from Adam’s rib God created Eve, that is why I am called a wo-man. Man and woman are designed to be together.
“So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, He took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and He brought her to the man.”
Genesis 2:21-22 NIV
I like the part above this that says, “And HE (GOD), brought her to the man.” Yes, God created man first, and the LORD will clearly bring me to the man I am praying for. He will bring me to Him when my lover is fully awake. And I am certain that my lover will pursue me in all godliness. It is the LORD that only has the power to match people according to His will.
Going back to Song of Songs…
Right now, I am holding on to the wise counsel of King Solomon. Not that I am obligated to, but because it has been revealed and spoken over me two times in one event called Power and Love in London, United Kingdom. Two wonderful, on fire and confident women of God of different background, coming from wherever side they were standing before the LORD in worship, strangely began to walk behind me. Later on, one by one they tapped my shoulder while I was in the presence of Yeshua and the first woman said, “Wait. The LORD is telling you to wait.” The second woman just said, “WAIT.” A big and heavy word for [less] impatient me that requires constant prayer. Hehe.
Crazy! Right?! That word of knowledge was spot on by the way. Before that event I was going through rough patches in life so I asked the LORD to speak to me… and just like before, when Jesus spoke through His prophets, these days, He speaks to anyone whose ears are open. Thankful to Him for using ordinary people to move in obedience, paving way for Supernatural occurrences, through and by His Holy Spirit.
I am not in agony of waiting for a lover. In fact, I am more content now than I was before. I have gotten used to entertaining whoever came and wanted to get to know me, not thinking through and considering the pain I will, and the other party will be suffering after. No, I am not denying my longing to be one with you; be intertwined, linked together, be sweet together… when the season has finally arrived. But until then, I will remain to be in the background, without you knowing, just hiding in your shadows, praying for my heart’s condition. And yours too.
I have had countless of dreams about my future. No face revealed.
Having dreamt of you, I have come across different types of emotions. My dreams of you are more connected on a Spiritual aspect, rather than pure emotions which has the tendency to discourage and deceive me.
You, whoever you are, I pray that the LORD will keep you close to Him always.
I want you to know that I hate the fact about how I feel towards myself when I ask myself if I really deserve to be one with somebody. You know why? Because honestly, this season, combined by my age, and the sea of insecurities that I am [still] feeling makes me think that I am not worthy to be yours. I am too insecure to be with you right now. I am afraid that my heart is weak before you, and that my mental state of capacity is not as high as yours. I am scared by the thought of you teasing me for what and who I am now; my physical appearance, my flaws, my past. I don’t know, I am scared. So maybe, this is not the time for us to meet.
I asked the LORD if it is right to inquire of Him about this, and He reminded me of this verse that I hold on to…
“Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.”
John 16:24 NKJV
And yes! I was right about inquiring Him about it.
I asked, and I received… in dreams.
To my future husband, I am not saying I need you to complete my joy, but I need you to be a part of my joy. I am certain you already know this, but I want to remind you again; that Jesus is my first love, and you, second. Ahuvi, I am yet to meet you as a lover, and right now all I can say is that I CANNOT WAIT. I am joyfully waiting in the LORD; serving Him, savouring my season of singleness, and embracing the ministry God entrusted me. Ahuvi, you will be the second sweetest thing that will ever happen to me. Ahuvi, I can’t wait to walk hand in hand with you, walking in the ways of the LORD; walking and living in purity and such hunger for the presence of our Matchmaker!
I simply cannot wait!
My dreams of you just won my affection.
I see your future according to scriptures; that it is good, that you will prosper.. and I am praying into that, that the LORD, in all His might, grant you sufficient grace to pursue your desires. Hey, God desires your desires! I am behind you always, praying patiently and faithfully even though I personally do not know you yet. This is faith, my guy, this is faith. Haha. It might take years from now for us to meet, but that’s fine, my heart is at ease.
This is all honour and glory to my God and King: the Giver of all things! He is the Giver of time, dreams, visions, words, songs, and life. Apart from You, Jesus, I am nothing. You are the Author of my days, the Redeemer of time. I’m handing you the Pen because Your hands are of a ready-writer. I am trusting You to write my story.
“Every gift [legacy] God freely gives us is good and perfect [complete, wholesome, abundant, sufficient, enough and perfect], streaming down from the Father of lights, who shines from the heavens with no hidden shadow or darkness [nothing in Him that could even remotely appear to be evil hiding; the more you get to know Him, that more you realise how beautiful and holy he is!], and is never subject to change.”
James 1:17 TPT
The Greatest of all romance is awakening our spirits and preparing us to both be a bride to Jesus Christ then to ourselves (bride & groom duh); our perfect example of marriage. I know for sure that when I see you, I know you are the one. No more doubting. I trust my Creator.
>>> PS I know Filipino tita’s/tito’s or anyone older than me will find this so ‘corny’ esp the words that I use. Oh well. Hi po! Lol.